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Things Learned Over My Weekend in Toledo
C (commentary by Chris Zasada) February 28, 2005
On his recent President's Day weekend leave to Toledo (well, Oregon, but we'll overlook that one for now), it turns out C learned a whole lot of things on that humble visit. The following is from the e-mail he sent me, not meant for the site, but since I'm evil, I'm putting it up anyway. I'll be making the occasional comment in brackets to clear things up or be a smart ass.

1) While the trip from Kansas to Ohio can be easily accomplished in a night, one should not attempt this following a full day of work. It is also possible to dream while you are speeding up I-75, at which point I should have pulled over but did not (I am one of those drivers you should watch out for).

2) It is possible to give the appearance of normal functioning on only two hours of sleep in 48, but it is anyone's guess how far this limit can be pushed.

3) Indiana [family dog] will sleep cuddled up to you if you let her.

4) Some high school students [upon a visit to our old high school] can tell it's me even when I'm not in uniform.

5) It is possible to toy with the emotions of high school girls entirely without effort. [a sweet revenge for our dateless high school years]

6) My sister has a boring job [Elder Bearmans, jewelry department]. However, it should be noted that I found myself inexplicably fascinated by a red haired girl working in cosmetics. This bears closer scrutiny upon my return visit.

7) No girls from my graduating class [2001 rules!] work at Diamonds Strip Club, or at least not on Friday nights.

8) When Chris Zasada commented that the new library renovations were "so big and mighty" I responded "Thanks, I get that a lot." This was just funny. [This is true. Come to Toledo to check it out. The library, I mean. Pretty, single girls only for C]

9) While my father is by necessity adequately "big and mighty," I now believe that he may not be as "big and mighty" as his son, creating an Obi-wan/Darth Vader like situation. None of this should be interpreted to mean that there were any light-saber duels going on on this trip.

10) When my dad stepped out of the shower and said "he's seen naked guys before." Had I been slightly quicker witted I could have said "I've seen naked girls before, let's all strip and walk around." [Funny when you consider that C's parents are pure Republican material]

11) (None of this should be taken offensively; nudity has humor value).

12) I know that pretty girls exist in Toledo because I graduated with some, I just don't know where they went. I should call one of them up and ask "Where do you and your friends hang out, because I want to go some place like that." [Ashley Cowel: call me!]

13) I can bowl a pretty good first game, but after that my wrist gets tired. [It has to be said: no comment.]

14) Two days may be the perfect amount of time to spend with my parents and have them still miss me.

15) I-280 is extremely messed up.