Until our population shrivels up and dies, however, we have plenty of fun things to do. One of the most overlooked activities is the board game. By throwing dice and moving plastic pieces around a colored chunk of cardboard, you transform hours of boredom into hours of boredom that includes throwing dice and moving plastic pieces around a colored chunk of cardboard.

Board games don’t quite have the influence that they used to, but they enjoyed great popularity the days when “DVDs” were called “books” and “DVD players” were called “fire places,” because no one had the patience to read books that didn’t contain dirty pictures. So board games were around to pass the time and create social interaction. Nothing bonds the family quite like little Jimmy throwing the entire board into the DVD player because he lost the game, causing the house to catch fire and burn down. You’ll see how much your parents love you by how hard they push you out of their way as they run for the exit!

The history of board games is long and fascinating, at least I assume it is, if I bothered to look it up. Board games go all the way back to ancient times and cultures, but since the websites for these topics aren’t helpful, I’m just going to mention the basics. The selections were somewhat limited to popular choices such as chess, checkers, backgammon, and Mouse Trap, but then the twentieth-century came along and introduced Monopoly, a game that’s as popular today as it was since before I was born.

Monopoly ushered in a market of board games that is still thriving to this day. Some of the games have withstood the test of time, games such as Sorry, Operation, Battleship, and President of the United States. Others have not faired so well, and that’s where part of the problem with board games lie.

Board games are an inexpensive way to cash in on the toy market while appealing to the parents’ sense of uniting the family. A board game, in theory, is supposed to bring friends and family around the table, where social interaction and bonding is supposed to take place. And this would happen, if it weren’t for the fact that a lot of board games are inherently idiotic.

I can’t imagine that it’s hard to make a board game. All you need is some plastic, cardboard, bright colors, a goofy premise, and recycled ideas from a hundred years ago. I think that when the executives of toy companies look at their profit sheets and want to expand them a little more, they have their R and D department take one of the old board games from their previous stock, change the art and pieces around, and add something gimmicky, like fatal slime or a killer animal, and sell the whole shebang for twenty bucks.

Think about it: how many games involve rolling dice, flipping a card, or spinning a spinner to move a piece across the board to a final destination? That accounts for more than half of the games out there, usually with some sort of gimmick attached. Maybe that gimmick involves being caught in a trap, squashed by a machine, or eaten by a giant shark, but when you strip that all away, you’re moving plastic figures across a piece of cardboard, wondering if there is more to life than this.

What’s really annoying is the games that try to cash in on popular licenses. We’ve had everything from Jurassic Park to Double Dragon to the Simpsons immortalized on game boards. Even Monopoly has so many official editions based on popular licenses and themes that it’s impossible to keep count. The worst part is some of these games (Monopoly not withstanding) are cheap clones of other ideas. I was in a store recently and noticed a board game based on the Shark Tales movie that was EXACTLY like the classic Shark Attack game. It could have been a special edition, but I didn’t see any indication on the front, and considering the original’s age, I wouldn’t be surprised if DreamWorks didn’t buy up unsold copies of the original Shark Attack and put their own labels over it.

Another problem with board games is setting up. Once you get the game out of the far back of the closet, killing all of the irate spiders that have since taken up residence in the box, read the instructions, and set the whole thing up, you’re so mentally drained that you don’t want to play anymore.

This problem is magnified significantly if you have children who help out the process solely by whining all the way through, thinking that you’ll work faster if they motivate you. The worst part comes when the kids get bored with the game after three turns and whine to go do something else, at which point the frustrated parent forces the child to have fun until the end (either after twenty seconds or four hours, depending on the game). Then the game gets put back into to closet to gather more spiders, or, if the parent is sensible, tossed into the ol’ DVD player, if you catch my drift.

Board games generally come off as cheap, overpriced, profit-sheet padders that either take too long to play or are over too soon with no fun in sight. Again, there are some classics, and after reading over a thousand words, I’m going to reveal the point of this article at long last. Wait a second, hold it… hold it… just a minute… okay! Microsoft Word says there are now over a thousand words! Let’s move on!

One of the board games that I fondly remember from my childhood is a fantastic little game known as Tornado Rex. The game was released by Parker Brothers in 1991, and after some extensive advertising, quickly faded into the bargain bins. I came across it at Target when I was in fourth grade, and seeing the discount price, I knew I had to have it.

The game is really simple. You have two mountain climber figures, and the object is to get them both to the top of the mountain before the other teams. To accomplish this, you draw cards (natch) and move the indicated spaces up the mountain. There are a few gimmick cards, like the helicopter, which lets you move one piece up to where your other piece is, and a card that lets you either move eleven spaces or switch with an opponent, essentially screwing them over.

The gimmick of this game is the main character. At the top of the mount sits Tornado Rex, represented by a wind-up top with a picture of the little devil in it. If you draw the Tornado Rex card, you release the top, and down he comes, tearing through your hapless hikers like Letterman through Richard Simmons. If you’re fortunate enough to survive, you can continue on, but if you get knocked off, it’s back to the beginning. There are special “caves” that you can hide in to protect yourself, but they take up one move space, and, due to flawed design, your hikers can still get hit if Rex manages to brush up against them. Tricky little devil, that Tornado Rex.

That’s really all there is to it. The game itself is really short; it shouldn’t take more than ten minutes to complete, even with a Rex Rampage. It does appeal to the violent and destructive tendencies of children, especially boys, so at least it’s attractive. Actually, the game isn’t all that enthralling for the older set, even with the impending doom of Tornado Rex looming (though Selmek and I got a kick out of it back in the day). It’s not the game that’s so awesome inasmuch as the game board, which is the pinnacle of gaming board design.

The three-dimensional mountain is fairly well-constructed, although it is made of thin plastic, so don’t expect it to survive the righteous wrath of a misplaced foot. The board is very detailed, both in artwork and sculpting. This means one thing: play set.

The Tornado Rex mountain is perhaps one of the few board game boards that is actually fun to use for other activities, like the infamous Robot Pirate Ninja Invasion War game. You can unleash your action figures on this thing for an epic battle that the “official,” tiny, bad-feature laden play sets would never allow. Plus, with Tornado Rex guarding the top, it looks like the tides have turned on whatever fools try to invade the Evil Mountain of Doom.

The one thing that perplexed me about this game is why Warner Bros. didn’t jump on this thing. Tornado Rex is clearly a clone of the WB’s Taz the Tasmanian Devil. It would only make sense that they send a truckload of cash to Parker Brothers and cash in on the game. It could have involved Bugs, Daffy, and gang trying to get to the top of Tasmanian Devil Mountain to get a buried treasure or a pile of carrots or something. So let it be stated for the record: if such a game ever comes out, Warner Bros. stole the idea from me and now owes me fifty-percent of the revenue.

It isn’t a great, even a good game, but Tornado Rex comes with some well-built components that make it more versatile. The gimmick makes the game at least somewhat creative, too. Pick it up if you find one at a garage sale and have yourself a fun little evening of reckless destruction. You’ll thank me.

Special Bonus: Check out the original Tornado Rex instructions in PDF format (over on Hasbro's site, you'll need Adobe Acrobat to view it)! Also, download this special video of the Tornado Rex game in action! Only 116K!