Random Acts of Nerdness: The Iron Nerd Foam Dart Gun Challenge

It’s amazing, the amount of knowledge that people have been able to acquire over the thousands of years since they created cognitive thought. By recording knowledge, be it by word of mouth, writings, or television, humanity has established itself a notch above other animals, but not much more. We invented rap music, after all.

It’s pretty impressive that we know as much as we do. If you think about it, new knowledge is acquired by observation and experimentation. And given the kind of stuff we know, some of the people in our past are either really brave or really stupid. A good example, as illustrated in the comic strip Calvin and Hobbes, is the guy who looked under a cow and decided to drink whatever came out of it.

Now, it is our turn to make a similarly useful trickle into the vast pool of human information. We’re certain our research will be very useful to all of humankind, especially the part of humankind that walks into a dollar store, enters the toy section, looks straight at the nearest foam dart gun, and ponders whether or not that specific gun is a quality piece of craftsmanship or the Macintosh of plastic guns.

That’s where the Iron Nerd Foam Dart Gun Challenge comes in. The purpose is to field test a wide array of toy guns in the hopes of guiding your hard-earned dollar to the right place. When we say “your hard-earned dollar,” we mean it literally. The purpose of the Challenge is to test the kind of gun they can be had for a dollar while trying to avoid anything over five dollars. The more glamorous guns will be saved for other endeavors.

These guns undergo a rigorous range of tests and have their bargain value scrutinized when compared to all that’s out there, which is defined as whatever is at the dollar stores that we frequent. The guns we’ll be comparing are tested to see if they deliver a good living room or office battle, not a multi-yard affair that will result in the loss of precious ammo in rain gutters and swimming pools. Generally speaking, a good dart gun should not fall apart after the first shot, be able to send a payload from one end of the room to the other with no problem, and be able to hit a target at least the size of sofa. Here are the criteria we’re looking at:

Range: Simply put, how far can the gun send its ammo? This is relatively painful to figure out, since some dart guns produce erratic ranges. So instead of wasting the effort, we’ve devised a general scale to gauge the distance each gun is capable of delivering:

Orbital (5): 350+ inches. Near perfection. This gun sends ammo outside of the testing range. This marks a rare and extraordinary gun, so this score is rarely handed out. If you can find one of these, your opponent may be in some serious trouble.

Long (4): 300 - 350 inches. Amazing. This gun is more than capable of turning the tides of any fight with its ability to reach out and hit someone. Only those with similarly capable guns will be able to touch you.

Medium (3): 200 - 299 inches. Good. On the higher end of the scale, these guns are more than capable of winning wars. Even the lower end is good, but their limits could prove troublesome. Worthy, but beatable.

Short (2): 100 - 199 inches. Serviceable. These fall short, but are usable. On the lower end, things won’t look so good. Try not to get stuck with these.

Non-Existent (1): Less than 100 inches. Garbage. If you have to resort to using these, you’ve already lost the fight.

Plus (+) symbols mean add half way up the scale to the next score, so 50, 150, 250, and 325 are all +s in their respective levels..

For reference, you’ll probably only need a dart gun that can comfortably shoot 20 feet (240 inches) to cover a living room, so basically a 3 or 3+ is all you need. Anything higher is just icing on the spongy foam cake.

Accuracy: How well does the dart hit what you aim at? This category is pretty subjective, since it depends on the abilities of the user as well as the gun. Basically, we’ll be scoring the “feel” of the gun by shooting at our handy ninja target at ten feet. The scale goes like this:

Excellent (5): You’ll be picking ninjas off with no problems.

Good (4): Generally hits what you aim at.

Okay (3): You’ll probably hit human targets half of the time.

Bad (2): You’ll hit something if you’re lucky, but don't count on it.

Awful (1): It’s surprising that this one doesn’t miss the ground.

Plus (+) symbols mean an extra half point is added for those guns that just miss the next number up.

Ammo Type: Ammo type is another important category to mention. Since most dart gun manufacturers are too cheap to make their own ammo type, they usually rely on pre-existing types of ammo to supply their guns with.

The problem here is that sometimes similar looking-ammo can be totally different and not work with every gun. For example, when we started the Iron Nerd Foam Dart Gun Challenge, we had one type of the little yellow bullet. Then we got a set that looked similar, but were smaller and able to fit guns the other ones couldn’t. And don’t get us started about the little orange rubber darts; there are so many sizes and variants of those that it isn’t even worth pointing out the differences.

This usually works out pretty well, though, since that means that it’s possible to have different guns that use similar ammo. There are some guns that accept many different types of ammo. All range and accuracy tests are done with the ammo that was included with the gun, but if there’s a significant difference in performance between different ammo types, we’ll be sure to mention it. Usable ammo types will be displayed with icons, the first being the default ammo type. Because there are so many different types of ammo and so many subtle variants of popular types, we’ll be using icons to indicate general types of ammo. Since you’ll likely be getting the ammo you need with the gun, any experimentation with other types is up to you. Here’s a basic overview of common ammo types:

Foam Darts: The crux of the Iron Nerd FOAM DART Gun Challenge, foam darts are universally lauded and are common among both dollar store and big-name guns. They’re fairly interchangeable, even with subtle size variations, and aren’t as fickle as other types of ammo. They’re pretty reliable and capable of traveling a good distance consistently.

There are other foam dart-like munitions out there, so to qualify as a foam dart proper, it has to) be made of (duh foam, have a hole in the back for launching, and have either a suction cup front or one of those new-fangled glue-coated fronts. Anything else will be pushed in the Miscellaneous pile.

We should mention the distinction between the suction cup- and the glue-tipped darts. The suction cups are the classic design that everyone uses, capable of sticking to smooth surfaces if they hit hard enough (and once they’re stuck, they stick hard). Glue tip darts are fairly new, and capable of sticking to more surfaces with less effort, but the glue does wear off after a while, giving them less longevity (well, for sticking to stuff). Both have about the same accuracy. The only reason we brought them up is to point out the differences and pad this section out.

Rubber Suction Darts: Perhaps the most common type of ammo, rubber darts generally aren’t that effective. However, we’ve seen some guns launch this type of ammo better than most, so they’re not completely useless. The problem with this ammo is that there are so many subtle variants, it’s hard to keep track of what will work with what. It’s usually not a good thing to have to rely on these.

Rubber Bullets: Among the best ammo in the dollar store kingdom, these simple rubber bullets, when coupled with the right gun, are capable of blowing away just about every other weapon out there in both range (and, consequently, speed) and accuracy. The bullets are compatible with a lot of different types of guns (especially guns that are made for Rubber Suction Darts), even ones that aren’t designed to use them. These little miracle workers can sometimes take a bad gun and make it one of the best in your arsenal. They do get lost pretty easily, though.

We should note that there are two basic types of rubber bullets: yellow and red. Yellow are larger and more common than their red counterparts, but red bullets tend to be the same size as each other, whereas yellow bullets can vary in size just enough to make them not capable with some guns. If you can manage it, get some of both and test your collection.

Foam Missiles: Only sharing the same material as their dart cousins, foam missiles are fairly uncommon in the dollar world, and good thing, too. They’re little more than foam darts minus suction cup, but with missile fins. You’d think this would help them steer. You’d be an idiot.

While Nerf has made this design work pretty well, don’t expect the dollar store brands to do the same. The fins, if bent even the slightest bit, cause the missile to fly off in a random direction, making them terrible munitions. This is a shame, since the fins can help carry the missile further. This would be great if it wouldn’t slam into something first. There are some variations on these, though most of them are equally terrible. You know you’re in trouble if you have to use these.

Suction Dart Sticks: These classics are still in full swing today. Usually powered by a spring-loaded gun, these darts are capable of delivering good distance and power. The one flaw in their design is that the locking mechanism on most spring guns tend to wear down pretty quickly, meaning the ammo won’t lock into place, making it a liability. Also, the ammo isn’t exactly what we’d call safe, what with its hard, pointed form. Then again, in a dart gun war, there is no room for the weak, so use these if you can get a decent gun to handle them.

Foam Discs: Foam discs are an emerging trend in the dart gun world, a trend that should get stomped out, if we’re lucky. This ammo is nothing more than a foam disc with a hole in it, usually capable of traveling about twenty consistent inches before majestically crashing somewhere to the side of where it was shot from. The only saving grace is that these guns are usually semi-automatic, but that doesn’t do you much good if it can’t hit anything. This is perhaps the worst ammo type ever.

Plastic Darts: Another fairly recent trend, these plastic darts are in the shape of their foam cousins, but have none of the positive attributes. They usually have a rigid back (like a crown) and a suction cup at the end. In general, they aren’t as range ready as foam darts, due to their plastic design, but they’re usually fairly accurate. On the plus side, guns that come with these usually support foam darts, and some these guns turn out to be the best guns in any arsenal when used with them. If you have some foam darts lying around, you might just have a secret weapon.

Miscellaneous: This is where all of the freaks of the ammo community are regulated. Unless a particular ammo type pops up often, it gets tossed in here to avoid confusion. Don’t worry, we’ll describe the ammo in the general item description.

Pros and Cons: This is the section where we discuss the gun overall, from design critiques to scrutiny over the actual functionality of the gun. If an ammo type falls into the Miscellaneous category, we’ll describe it the best we can.

We’ll do our best to identify specific gun models, but since most dollar guns are made by fly-by-night Asian companies, it’s hard to pin down consistent information. Some guns only have identifying names on the packaging, which we may not have access to. In that case, we’ll make a clever name up. We go by the name that’s on the gun first, and then the packaging, which, in most cases, can be totally different. All names in quotation marks are real, a monument to the lack of English comprehension, found plastered on the side of one of these babies.

Since these are cheap Asian toys, the chances of being able to track any specific model down is slim, but you might find the exact same gun mutated into a different color or name brought out by a different company with different packaging. If by chance you spot a gun that looks identical to those featured here, but is called something different than in this article, it’s likely the exact same gun. Besides a dollar, what have you got to lose by trying it out?

If you want to stay current on every gun's capabilities (and who doesn't) or other little factoids, be sure to check back on your old favorites. Despite the similarities in ammo, rest assured some company will come up with something different that might change how good a gun really is. For example, the "Pump Action Shot Gun" really isn't a good gun with the included ammo, but toss some rubber bullets in there, and you have a really awesome piece of hardware. There are also times where we’ll dig up names or variations of gun. So check out the entire page if you're really a hardcore Iron Nerd, which we suspect most of you are.

And with that, let the jousting begin…