This buyer is living proof the best course of action after realizing you’ve made a mistake is to lie and resist all truth to take the heat off. It’s also evidence that we need to create two basic laws of e-commerce, which would be the following: 1) Read the item description and 2) If you buy something, try to remain in contact in case a problem arises. Any who violate both of these are stripped of their rights to complain when something does go wrong, and should be flogged if they try. This commerce criminal wouldn’t stand a chance.

To his defense, there was a little confusion surrounding the transaction. I had on hand some MP3 player software for the Dreamcast system. This software was purchased from a national retail store, so it’s commercial, with its own UPC and everything. Of course, Amazon didn’t have a listing for this product, but they did have a product listing for a VCD/MP3 player that’s so ridiculously obscure, I’m surprised they’ve heard of it.

So me being the stupid moron who still believes the human race poses a shred of common sense, I listed my item under the VCD product with a very stern description that tells everyone EXACTLY what it is, down the name brand and, most importantly, what it does and what it doesn’t do. Keep in mind this description is clearly displayed right next to the “Buy” button. You have to have it on the screen when you go to purchase the item. It’s impossible to miss, though I don’t know why anyone would want to. I don’t know about you, but I like to know what I’m ordering before I give my money away to a stranger. It’s common sense!

Unfortunately, ANTONIO V. is apparently a little lacking in the common sense department. He ordered this item, and though my sales policy (which I sent him) states that I’m absolved from having to make sure he is aware of what he’s buying, I contacted him anyway. Three times over a week. Nothing.

I want to point out not long before this, the geniuses at Amazon decided to implement a new contact system wherein members can’t simply e-mail other member. They have to go through Amazon’s e-mail system, which means you have to pray that it works that day and the buyer gets the message. I know eBay and Half have the same system, but they’ve had it for a while, so most of the bugs were probably worked out. At least they let sellers tell buyers about sales policies, though.

Thanks to Amazon busting me for telling people how I do business, I resorted to e-mailing my sales policy directly to customers. This made it easier for them and took the liability off of me. I can’t help it if their spam filters catch important e-mails or they can’t be bothered to read important information about their purchase. To be fair, I delete these kinds of e-mails myself, but then again, I read the product descriptions.

To further SERVE YOU BETTER, Amazon limits the amount of text that can be sent to 1000 characters, which isn’t nearly enough to send the sales policy. They also don’t allow links, so forget sending customers to the website. The solution? Contact the customers with a memo saying there is a sales policy and they’re bound by it, and telling them to contact me so I can tell them where they can find it. Lame? You bet, and it’s evidence that some Amazon executives may ride the short bus to work.

So I sent one of this e-mails to ANTONIO V., as well as the three e-mails confirming that he knew what he was buying. Silence, so a week later after he ordered, I sent his item out, hoping he knew what he was ordering, since my e-mails didn’t seem important enough.

I should come as no surprise that I received this angry e-mail a few days later. In addition to trying to explain what the item he wanted was, he accused me of deception and demanded an exchange or refund. I was pretty much expecting this e-mail, so I was ready to fire back at him, which I did. I told him I tried contacting him, even though I didn’t need to, and provided proof that the description existed and was affixed to the product. I told him I wouldn’t grant him a refund because of this, and referred him to the good ol’ sales policy, which I doubt he read even though it was suddenly applied to him. This will become obvious later.

Apparently not to be burdened by proof, ANTONIO V. replied by sending me the main product page (not my description, which would have proven him wrong) and challenged me to point out how he read wrong, which I thought I had already done. He also explained that the reason he didn’t reply was because he was on vacation, as if it was my fault that I didn’t contact him via telepathy. Well, that changes everything! I’m sure you could totally use that excuse and sue the doctors if your mother died of kidney failure because they couldn’t get a hold of you to ask you to donate your organs! You’ll be a rich man!

Not to be out-evidenced, I re-listed the item and sent him a link to the page to prove that it was impossible for him to not have the item description right there for him to read. Note that he never once admitted he didn’t read it. I should point out that I was his first feedback, so he was a new member and didn’t know the ropes. I once dealt with a person who had -1 feedback on Half (I brought them back to zero), so if Amazon played by these rules (I’m not sure this will even count against his score), ANTONIO V. would have a similar fate. My point: he’s clearly inexperienced, and I may have cut him some slack if I knew this, though not after his e-mails containing his quality debate.

By the way, you can view that page here. Unfortunately, I didn’t send him this easy-to-follow version, though I should have. In fact, I think Amazon should have their pages set up like this, at least if your feedback is zero.

He then e-mailed me asking if I had the product he wanted in stock, as if I was going to not list it if I had it and was holding out on him because I’m mean. I naturally didn’t, so he left me negative feedback stating that I e-mailed him the REAL description after the fact, as if it wasn’t there for him to see BEFORE he bought the item. He also lists my exact selling procedure. Not just for him, but for ALL my sales, stating that I’ll sell one thing, send the buyer another, and only tell them what I was actually selling after everything is said and done. Oh, and NO REFUNDS.

On that point, my only mistake (besides dealing with this guy) was that I found out I DO offer refunds in this case (I forgot because I was so pissed off about the situation). Good thing I have a sales policy posted so I’ll know what my rules are! I offered him a fifty-percent refund if he sent the item back. He didn’t take it, so I ended up stealing this poor, description-illiterate fellow’s money. For shame!

Seriously, this guy was so resistant to the truth, he has to be religious or something. And nothing pisses me off quite like someone who thinks I’m out to get not only them, but everyone in the world, simply because he can’t read a product description and can’t come to terms with his inadequacy.

Sellers, my advice is this: avoid listing items that are slightly different from the product listing, and if you do, make sure you get the buyer’s confirmation first. Otherwise, you get yahoos like this who, for whatever reason, have the innate ability to block out all reality that’s detrimental to them. I still don’t get how ANTONIO V. could possibly contest the facts, but he did, and I now have another negative feedback point, courtesy of another eBay eDiot who can’t follow simple rules.

Interestingly, after the guy got it through his head that I was a terrible human being who wasn’t willing to suffer for his mistakes, I found a posting for the exact same item at the exact same price on Amazon, more or less with the same description. It was posted by a different seller with actual feedback, but the timing was too perfect. If it is ANTONIO V., the irony of the situation has, of course, not escaped me.