Kids these days have it tough. This is mostly because they have vigilant school adminstrators who, after mulling over how to keep them safe, decided that they should either not be allowed to play, or attack people carrying guns.

It's once again that season, when terrifying beings haunt our homes with tails of woe and will only go away if we appease them. We're, of course, referring to local political candidates and their TV ads.

C recounts his harrowing visit to a Christian haunted house during his innocent high school years, which marks is first exposure to the Chick tract.

A conversation with his sister turns into a quick reference guide for those of you who were wondering who the Unitarian Universalists are.

As the debate over same-sex marriage heats up, Zasada looks at the facts and concludes that it's okay to be gay, despite what Christians will tell you otherwise.

Never heard of Jack Chick? Want to know what all of the fuss is about? Check out this guide about the man himself!

We sent C on a dangerous mission to infiltrate Fred Phelps’s Westboro Baptist Church. The following is the account of this daring mission. You computer will self-destruct five seconds after reading it.

Let me tell you about my new best friend. He lives in Kansas, has his own church, and is one of the most insane people in the country. It's Fred Phelps, the Baptist Bible-thumper that goes out of his way to contradict that love of God and stands as the most psychotic Christian you've never heard of.

An essay that poses several questions about God and argues that even today's most devout Christians aren't following the Bible to the letter.

So, you still have hope? Take a look at C's article, which tears down the notion of invisible forces governing the way of the world. Take that, Santa Claus!

Through the power of poetry, C examines the Battle of the Sexes and what would happen if the shoe went on the other foot.

C discusses some idiotic Army rules and builds up to how to destroy America. Okay, it's not that bad, but just in case, you know his
e-mail address.

And you thought the presidential elections were fun. Zasada discusses the heated Toledo mayor campaign and the fall of one of the best and most clinically insane candidates this side of Ross Perot.

Zasada gives his reactions about the Sweetest Day Riot, as well as a rationale about how the Nazis are wrong.

C puts in his opinion about the recent anti-Nazi riots that happened in Toledo, which he caught wind of all the way from Korea.

In a world not long away, men may soon become obsolete. Well, they already are, really, but in this world, they'll be practically useless (no more comments) C examines a news article on this subject and predicts a bleak future for humankind.

A tribute for the fourth anniversary of the 9/11 attacks. Zasada reflects on his memories of that day and discusses the changes the attacks forced on America.

In light of the recent tragedy of Hurricane Katrina, millions of Americans are now actively feeling like scum for having it so better than others. Zasada goes against the flow and assures those self-loathing luxuriant lackeys that it's okay to feel good about having it well off.

A recent controversy with the risqué video game Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas sparks Zasada to lay the smack down on those wacky politicians, uptight parents, and their logic.

Let's face it: today's gas prices suck. Zasada voices this opinion as he offers protest advice to jaded consumers, unless the gas companies give him a kick back.

A short tribute to the real meaning of the Fourth of July.

An article that has only VERY NICE THINGS to say about women as a whole. If you're a woman of the female persuasion, there's not compulsive reason for you to read this. We only say good things, which you might find boring because you obviously hear them so much.

An article discovered on the Net that basically sums up the pre-war atmosphere and is sadly still relevant today.

The world is a changing place. Zasada brings this reality home when he discovers that his family cottage underwent some changes.

A definitive definition of love and a breakdown of its many sinister stages. We can't escape it, and it sucks. Spoken like a true bachelor.

Computer viruses suck, especially when important people like Zasada get them. Well, he got one, and now he raves about the idiocy of computer virus programmers and offers some basic advice on virus smarts. If you need this guide, it's already too late.

Suburb construction down the his street prompts Zasada to get pissy about it and offer an alternative. Here's a hint: if you live in an abandoned building in downtown Toledo, you might want to move before the wrecking ball hits.

A tribute to the struggle of two families and the life of a human being. This article looks at some of the issues surrounding the new event of the year, a serious-matter-turned-media-frenzy courtesy of Jed Bush.

An arguement that those who identfy with a religion should actually believe in what it says. A pro-religion piece, for the record.

Zasada argues that the country is in deep trouble as our leaders sit in the their positions of power and send our people to war. A powerful(ly) left-wing piece.

C reveals that being a sergeant in the Army only means when the Major looks down and says "Who should I smite?", he's the one at the top of the pile. And to think all he wanted to do was throw something away...

We agree that some of the Ten Commandments are pretty good, but does that mean that God created them, or are they just common sense? Special bonus feature about the NEW Ten Commandments.

Did God create man, or is it the other way around? Zasada theorizes that God could exist, but only because man allows it.

Zasada confesses that Jesus seems like a pretty cool guy. So if you're reading this, buddy, come on over for a Hot Pocket and a Coke. I've got anime'.

Zasada observes how they don't make kids today like they used to and offers some tips on raising your child, and you get what you pay for.

C does the trendy thing and compares our good pal "Duh-bya" with Uncle Adolph in a piece that doesn't predict good history for Bush's eight years.

Kids today and there fancy toys, long-haired music, and easy-to-access porn! Zasada explains how making porn easier to get ruins an important growing experience for pre-teen boys the world over.

Zasada presents his opinions on the violence in video games issue by speaking of his personal experiences in the matter. He also provides an easy-to-follow list of directions for parents, and of course tells the whiners to cram it.

C uses the Bible to rationalize that Jesus was a man. A piece for the "saved" only!

What started out as a simple attempt to get dinner turns into a search for the reasons why none of you bozos have ever heard of Toledo.

We, as a nation, were told to be afraid as the war rages in Iraq. C rationalizes that this fear is unnecessary and the world is not much worse now than it was before September 11th.

C takes on the the religous adherents who believe rock music equals a one-way ticket to Hell. He also reasons that Van Halen will be the only one to get into heaven.

Religious zealot Jack Chick has a strong message of salvation. Watch as Zasada attempts to deflate him.

A frank, down-to-Earth article aimed at high school students who think they know everything. Hint: you don't. Trust me.

Men are wimps. Learn it, live with it. An article about the fall of masculine pride. And no, this is not a ploy to get women to like us more.

Roads are a pretty dangerous place. This handy guide will give you some survival tips on how to coutner the various idiots of the highway.

A serious article exploring the reasons why in the war of religions, no one is right.

Almost three years later, Zasada finally gets around to responding to a fluff column in his high school newspaper.

Chris Zasada recalls the good old days of high school when everyone could be a terrorist out to kill you.

Let's face it, the post office is not a very happenin' place. Here's another reason why it isn't.