Pessimistic Politics: Luddites and Feminists and Terrorists, Oh My!

This incident reminded me of a story Chris wrote millions of years ago as a Freshman. At the time I thought it was the stupidest possible idea in the world. I still think the story was stupid, but I’m starting to believe it might be possible.

It all began, as many things do, with a news article:

Women bypass sex in favour of 'instant pregnancies'

By Charlotte Edwardes and Andrew Alderson

(Filed: 25/09/2005)

Women are increasingly seeking inappropriate IVF treatment because they do not have the time or inclination for a sex life and want to "diarise" their busy lives.

Wealthy career women in their 30s and early 40s, some of whom have given up regular sex altogether, are turning to "medicalised conception" - despite being fertile and long before they have exhausted the possibility of a natural conception.

They are prepared to pay thousands of pounds for private IVF treatments - even though they have unpleasant and potentially harmful side effects - because they believe it offers them the best chance of "instant" pregnancy.

Important quote from article: "I told one of my patients who is going through IVF that another IVF patient had just conceived naturally. She said: 'What? She's having sex? Bloody Luddite'."

A Luddite, by the way, describes anybody that resists technological change. Also the name for a political group during the Industrial Revolution, Luddites… forget it, you probably won’t get it anyway.

The important thing is, this is perhaps the scariest story ever (I realize I say that a lot… get used to it).

Follow me on this one, please. Feminism began simply enough, with a few women who wanted the opportunity to work and earn their own living instead of spending their entire lives in a kitchen. And who could blame them? It sounded simple enough. That was our first mistake.

As long as we kept them in the house, men could lie and tell them things just to confuse them, which is why every female in the world still believes that girls mature faster than boys. The minute they left the house and started learning things on their own, the first spark was struck of a dim but growing fire: “Maybe all I’ve been told is backwards. Maybe it’s actually WE who are better than THEM.”

And so it was. Long ago and far away, women needed men for protection. The men went out and hunted for food, built shelters for protection and invented fire for comfort. All we asked in exchange, and if you think about it, you can’t argue, was a little whoopee now and again.

If you ask me, the arrangement was perfect. In thousands of years, men have not evolved. We still want the same thing: just a little whoopee. Is that so much to ask?

Meanwhile, women were realizing all the tricks played on them. They realized that there’s no reason THEY can’t hunt and build things for THEMSELVES! Fast forward to today, when women are at the top of every field with the exception of major league sports, and they’re working on that. There are more women CEOs than men, more women doctors, lawyers and administrators. As you read this, ten to one odds say a female boss is looking over your shoulder.

In some cases, such as Chris, the woman is even expected to provide and care for her stay-at-home husband, not that there’s anything wrong with that. But at least we thought we still had something they wanted, but now we find out that anyone still having sex is a LUDDITE! Sex is OBSOLETE!!!

To put it another way, men are obsolete.

This procedure may yet take a while to perfect; it still costs a lot and isn’t 100% effective, but you’ll be interested to know they are already ceasing the requirement that there be a father. It’s only a matter of time…

It’s not as if I blame them. How would you like to have an oversized hairy creature climb on top of you and insert a thorn into the open wound near your abdomen, grunt a few times and roll off you, satisfied? Not to mention all the pain that comes with childbirth and carrying a child and just being a female in general.

The only way to make sex competitive is to actually spend time making sure the woman gets as much pleasure as the man does. I know men who would almost prefer to give up sex entirely rather than give it more thought. Almost, but not for long.

Anyway, back to the main point. Can you image the shit-storm that’s going to hit when we men wake up in our caves and realize that we have been completely replaced? No woman is going to want to have sex ever again; it simply isn’t practical for any number of very good reasons. Men, on the other hand, are still going to be running around with their willies pointed in the air, unable to comprehend what’s going on.

Okay, maybe a few women will want to have sex, mostly girls with major self-esteem issues or a new generation of young girls that we can re-brainwash into thinking God created Eve from a phallic symbol.

But by and large, sex is done. When that happens, the men are going to strike back. You KNOW they will. By that time there will probably be a woman president, because they can do that better too, and a few incidents of male terrorism against these embryo production facilities isn’t going to cause much of a stir.

Soon, the president is going to condemn these terrorist actions, which will result in all men everywhere taking up arms against their female masters. Of course, females make better soldiers too, so more than half of the men in America will die in the first couple hours, while the remainder retreats to South America to plan their counter attack.

The rest is highly speculative, but makes sense.

The exact same thing will already have happened in Europe with the exception of the Vatican, an ancient institution so anachronistic their women still believe the previously-stated phallic symbol myth, and which will have relocated to Germany where they still like their men “manly.”

The Men’s Republican Army and the German-Catholic Organization will have no choice but to combine into one giant Male Catholic Ballista or become staunch allies, because the last remaining outposts of men will need all the allies they can get.

South America, Germany and Australia (for no particular reason) will quickly become 90% male, while the rest of the world… quietly ignores them. Hey, women are smart. Why get involved in hastening the extinction of an obsolete species that can’t reproduce anyway?

The women will realize that there is no positive side to having male children, and soon there will be no significant males outside the MCB. What men do remain will be domesticated, most likely neutered at birth and shown off as fad and fashion in much the same way we treat women now. How horrible.

The men, meanwhile, will have access to a very small population of Catholic school girls, but for the most part life will turn into one giant prison. Hmm, Catholic-homosexuals. Sounds like Jack Chick was right!

Within several generations, all men in the world will be quarantined as though Y chromosomes are some sort of disease. I predict that we will all either be relocated to Australia in much the same spirit as the British originally established it, or to South America, where we will be continually pressed downward in much the same way we treated the Indians in the 1800s. Take your pick, it’s your science fiction scenario.

The females, meanwhile, will live happily ever after. Just as they planned it. As they are planning it right now.

Do you have any ideas for how to stop this nightmare apocalyptic scenario from taking hold? Be my guest.

Note from Zasada: My story was an excellent story and you people should be paying me millions just to catch a glimpse of the opening paragraph. Secondly, I am not embarrassed about having my girlfriend go out and hunt. Men have done it foolishly for millions of years, so I think it’s time for a break. Maybe if she has to kill a saber-toothed tiger with a stick, she’ll appreciate the desire for sex, at which point I’ll have a headache.