Pessimistic Politics: It's a Gas

How many of you have gotten steamed after checking out the gas prices as of late? Yep, just about everyone, except for free-spending rich sobs, apathetical drones, people who don’t use gasoline, or people who realize that it’s not the end of the world and there are a lot of people who have it worse off. The whole lot of you are allowed to sit in on this article with the exception of the last group, because you’ll just ruin my fun, like always.

The gas price crisis has been eating away at the wallets of Americans for a few years now, almost coinciding with Bush’s entrance into the White House. While I’m not trying to lay the blame on him, I… no, wait, yes I am. I think it’s all his fault.

Last time I went off against the Bush administration, I briefly mentioned a lot of suspicions about what’s been going on. We all know the connection between Cheney’s oil racket and the Oval Office, so I’m not going to bother bringing it up again. I just find it odd that we basically conquered a region with lots of oil, yet we seem to be tapped out. I mean, this country owes us a lot of money, and we can’t collect it with oil instead of cash?

Less than four years ago (when Bush was just starting out, when he was still a harmless idiot), gas actually did reach the ninety-nine cent mark in 2001 (these are northwest Ohio figures). Since Bush has been established, we haven’t seen much below a dollar fifty. Lately, two dollars and above is the norm. This sucks.

What irks me is how our oil reserve remains untapped. I heard rumblings of releasing some of it, but nothing as affirming as when Clinton was in office. Why should they? I’m sure Dick’s stock options are booming now!

Part of the fault, though, lies with the automobile companies and the consumers. Lately, the high mileage car has become a major selling point, and they’ve attempted to market a hybrid gas/electric car, not that I’ve heard much about it. The problem is, they haven’t forced this technology down our throats, probably because it wouldn’t be profitable. This is where the consumers are to blame.

American consumers, as a whole, have a hard time accepting new technology that replaces established trends. Look at the VHS video format. It managed to tromp all of the superior technology that opposed it, like beta, laserdisc, Hi8, and VCD. DVD is actually pretty impressive in that it usurped the VHS rule in a matter of a few years.

What we’re not as apt at doing is putting our trust in a new engine technology, at least not an obvious one that’s used for our personal cars. I’ve heard of a combustion engine that can send a car one-hundred miles to the gallon. While I question the existence of this, I’m excited about the possibility, but at the same time, I know it would take a massive overhaul of the gas dispensing system and a transition program on such a scale that the government would have to step in and make sure the whole affair becomes a train wreck.

The hundred mile engine would never be released commercially and casually like the hybrids because the gas companies would take a major hit as a result and wouldn’t allow it. If memory serves me, the Volkswagen Beetle can get around forty-miles to the gallon (the latest fuel efficient car is advertised at around thirty, so, as the commercial says, no matter how high gas prices go, you can afford it; not a good sign), so let’s use that as an example. The hundred mile engine would theoretically be two-and-a-half times more efficient than that. If you had a twenty mile per day commute for work, you could get to work and back for a week at about two dollars. Sounds good, right?

Unfortunately, the gas industry probably couldn’t get by on two dollars per costumer. The obvious solution, then, would be to raise the gas prices even more, preferably to a level that would make gas cheaper overall for consumers. The gas companies would have to haul and sell less gas, the consumers would be saving money, and we'd be emitting less pollution into the atmosphere. So if we can get consumers to go for the new engine, we have a winner, right?

Nope. What happens to the consumers with the old engines? How can everyone in the country afford cars that have these new engines? How could they afford the new gas prices? And what about other tools, like lawnmowers, leaf blowers, chainsaws, and the like? To ensure relative fairness, we’d have to have a massive trade-in program for cars, tools, and engines, and you can bet a lot of people would be pissed about something, whether it’s because they have a vintage car that they want to retain the original engine or they can’t trade the car in because it’s stolen (we really don’t care about one of those two groups).

Sound like a lot of trouble? I’m sure it would be. Too much trouble, so we’ll just suck up all the resources and rip off the costumers instead until we run out of fuel and cause Consumer Armageddon.

Consumers are also to blame because they insist on buying full-sized trucks and SUVs that suck up gas like Gatorade at a jock convention. These smart shoppers not only have to pay an arm and a leg for the vehicle, they also have to give up some vital organs to pay for the gas to run it, which takes away from the overall supply while performing the exact same amount of work for more gas. Smart.

Overall, though, I think decent gas prices are achievable, but the powers that be feel that this is unnecessary. After all, we are a gas-driven society, and cars are essential, so we have to pay no matter what. Let’s face it: how many of you commute to work via bicycle? We’d get there just in time to grab a drink at the water cooler and then leave right away. We need cars and cars need gas, so why should we be punished for it when there was a time we were paying half as much for gas only four years ago?

I’m calling out a protest against these high gas prices. Next time you’re at the pump and it’s over two bucks per gallon, don’t fill up unless you need to (no reason to endanger yourself or your family over this). If you can, fill your tank up to a four dollars and eleven cents ($4.11) as a way of sending a “411” to the gas companies. If you need more gas, fill ‘er up to nine eleven ($9.11) to let the gas companies know that there’s an emergency here, and also to reference the day that not only lead to the loss of thousands of American lives (and our old securities), but also a big ego flex for an administration that’s supposed to be serving its people. Do I expect this to change anything or even be noticed? Not really, and definitely not at first. Hopefully, though, these odd sales figures will send the message.

I think we can do it. Thank you.